Why Do I Feel Like a Failure? Understanding and Overcoming Self-Doubt

Apr 26, 2025

By Will Moore

Have you ever found yourself staring at the ceiling in the dead of night, your mind racing with thoughts like, "I feel like a failure"? I have — more vividly than I'd ever like to admit. At just eighteen years old, after a brutal fight with my mother during a drive to college, I found myself sitting alone in a cold, tiny jail cell, wondering how my life had come to this. I remember cursing the universe, feeling like a trapped animal, convinced I was destined for failure no matter what I did.

It's a haunting phrase, one that creeps into our lives in moments of doubt. Whether it's a missed promotion, failing relationships, or simply the weight of everyday responsibilities, everyone goes through difficult times in life.

It’s not just you.

For a while, I stayed stuck in that mindset, assuming life would always work against me. But everything started to change when I realized that maybe it wasn’t the world that needed to change. Maybe it was how I saw myself. That moment sparked a journey of personal growth and small wins that helped me turn failure into momentum.

In this blog, we'll show you how to overcome this feeling and turn it into a source of motivation and growth. By the end, you understand why you feel like a failure, how it affects your self-esteem in all core areas of life, and what you can do to overcome it.

What Causes the Feeling of Failure?

Feeling like a failure can be triggered by a variety of factors, such as comparing yourself to others, experiencing setbacks, or not meeting your own expectations. Sometimes, it’s a single event—a missed opportunity, a failed relationship, or a mistake at work. Other times, it’s an ongoing sense that you’re not measuring up, no matter how hard you try.

Comparing Yourself With Other's

In our hyper-connected world, it's easy to fall into the trap of comparing our behind-the-scenes with everyone else's highlight reels. Research shows that frequent social media users are more likely to suffer from negative self-comparison, leading to feelings of inadequacy, inability to achieve personal success and failure. They begin feeling worse about themselves.

For example, you might see friends on social media flaunting their new cars or dream jobs while you're struggling to make ends meet. This constant comparison can make you feel like you're lagging far behind, resulting in low self-esteem and feelings of failure.

Lack of Self-Belief

Your mindset is the engine that powers your life’s journey. When it’s plagued by self-doubt, it’s akin to an engine sputtering on low confidence.

This idea can be related to the Equation of Life, which states:

Beliefs+Consistent Actions+Time=Person You Become

In other words, your beliefs, when combined with consistent actions over time, shape the person you become. If your beliefs are rooted in self-doubt and negativity, your actions will likely reflect that, and over time, this could lead to a self-fulfilling prophecy of failure.

Picture this: a single mom, barely making ends meet, battling depression. She faced a ton of rejections from publishers. But, guess what? She didn't give up. She believed in her story, and she kept writing, every single day. It took years of hard work, sending her manuscript to agents and editors, but she hung in there. And then, bam! Her patience and perseverance paid off big time. Now, she's a global superstar author. Her name is o J.K. Rowling, the genius behind Harry Potter. That's how powerful your mindset can be - it can turn your life around!

It can either propel you forward or hold you back. By applying the equation of life, you can cultivate a positive, growth-oriented mindset that will help you accomplish your goals and dreams

“Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t – you’re right.”-Henry Ford

High Expectations and Perfectionism:

Often, we set sky-high standards for ourselves. The desire to be perfect in every aspect - career, finances, relationships - can be overwhelming. When we inevitably fall short of these unrealistic expectations, it feels like a personal failure.

A study by the American Psychological Association found that more and more young people are becoming perfectionists. Today’s youth is more obsessed with being flawless in their looks, brains, and careers. This obsession can hurt their mental health because perfectionism can cause sadness, low confidence, and even thoughts of death.

Career and Financial Stress

Research shows that financial stress is a leading cause of anxiety and depression, further feeding into the sense of failure. Plus, in a society where success is often measured in dollars and cents, being broke can feel like you’re losing at life’s game.

Lan Nguyen Chaplin, a professor of marketing after being denied promotion, writes in her article: “I felt like I had failed myself, my family, my students, and my colleagues. I felt like I had let down all the women and people of color who looked up to me as a role model.”

Feeling like a failure can have negative consequences for your mental health, emotional wellness, self-esteem, and motivation. However, it is important to remember that failure is not a permanent state, but a temporary setback. You can learn from your mistakes, seek support, and find new ways to achieve your goals.

As Chaplin advises: “Think about what comes next. Focus on what you want your future to look like. Redefine your metric of success. It should include two things: Work that aligns with your core values and work that is recognized and rewarded by your organization.”

Strained Relationships

Humans are social creatures, and our connection with people and relationships form a vital part of our happiness. When these relationships are strained or unsatisfying, it can lead to a feeling of failure. Whether it's friendships, family bonds, or romantic relationships, the health of these connections deeply impacts our sense of success and fulfillment.

Robert Waldinger, renowned for conducting one of the longest studies on happiness, summarized decades of research in one of the most viewed TED Talks. He stated, ‘'Those who kept warm relationships got to live longer and happier, and the loners often died earlier.”

Neglected Physical or Mental Health

Ignoring your physical health, skipping exercise, or poor self-care can affect your mood and self-worth. Mental health conditions like anxiety or depression can also distort your perception, making you feel like a failure even when you’re not.

Societal Pressures

If you haven't hit specific milestones by a certain age – like having a stable job, owning a house, or being financially secure – you might feel like you're failing at life. These societal benchmarks create an invisible race that not everyone is equipped to run. As Krystal Hollings,a parenting coach, says: “When we allow societal pressures to dictate our lives, we lose sight of who we are and what makes us happy.”

It is important to remember that you are not defined by your achievements, possessions, or appearance. You are a unique and valuable person with the right to pursue your goals and dreams. As Hollings advises: “The best thing we can do for ourselves and our children is to embrace our individuality and celebrate our differences.”

Understanding these reasons is the first step in changing the narrative. Remember, your value is not defined by your bank balance or job title. It's about the journey, the lessons learned, and the resilience you show along the way.

The Psychology Behind Feeling Like a Failure

Our minds are powerful. Sometimes, they trap us in negative thought patterns that make failures seem bigger and successes invisible. This can lead to what psychologists call “cognitive distortions”—ways of thinking that aren’t entirely accurate but feel very real.

Examples of cognitive distortions:

All-or-nothing thinking (“If I’m not perfect, I’m a failure.”)
Overgeneralization (“I messed up once, so I’ll always mess up.”)
Discounting the positive (“Anyone could have done that; it doesn’t count.”)

Recognizing these patterns is the first step to breaking free from them.

Root Causes: Where Does This Feeling Come From?

Often, the roots of feeling like a failure go deeper than a single event. Childhood experiences, family dynamics, and societal norms can all shape how we view ourselves.

Did you grow up with high expectations or critical caregivers?
Were your achievements minimized, or mistakes magnified?
Did you learn to tie your worth to what you accomplish, rather than who you are?

Reflecting on these questions can help you understand where your self-doubt started—and that it’s not your fault.

What Sort of Childhood Leaves You Feel Like a Failure as an Adult?

Imagine a kid who was often told to “stop being so sensitive” whenever he expressed his feelings. When he becomes an adult he struggles with self-esteem and often feels like a failure, despite his accomplishments. Similarly, a child whose emotions or perspectives were invalidated might grow up feeling misunderstood or unimportant.

Adverse childhood experiences (ACEs) like these can cast long shadows, affecting an individual’s emotional health and family dynamics in adulthood. However, positive childhood experiences (PCEs), such as feeling loved and supported, can counterbalance these effects, leading to healthier adult lives.

What is the Failure Lifetrap?

Ever feel like you're on a hamster wheel of disappointment, where each step seems to confirm your worst fears about yourself? The phenomenon is called 'Failure Lifetrap' - a psychological pattern that often ensnares those who feel they haven't achieved enough in life.

This life trap leads to an internalization of failure. It's no longer about specific instances of not meeting goals; it becomes a core part of your identity. This is dangerous territory, where perceived failure starts affecting all aspects of life, from personal relationships to physical health.

6 Ways to Overcome the Feeling of Failure

1. Turn Self Doubt Into Self-belief

Notice when you’re falling into thinking traps. Ask yourself: “Is this thought really true? What evidence do I have for and against it?” Try to reframe harsh self-judgments with more balanced statements.

Consider the story of Thomas Edison. He once said, “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” This mindset shift, viewing failures as stepping stones towards success, is crucial.

2. Practice Self Compassion:

It’s Okay to Feel This Way.

Before you rush to “fix” these feelings, pause and acknowledge them. It’s normal to feel disappointed, sad, or frustrated when things don’t go as planned. Giving yourself permission to feel these emotions—without judgment—can actually help them pass more quickly.

Try this: Take a few minutes to name what you’re feeling. Are you sad, angry, embarrassed, or anxious? Write it down or say it out loud. Remind yourself: “It’s okay to feel this way. I’m human.”

3. Set Realistic, Value-Based Goals

One of the most effective strategies for overcoming the feeling of failure is to set realistic and achievable goals. Let’s say you’re starting a new job and your ultimate goal is to become a team leader. Instead of focusing solely on that end goal, break it down into smaller, more manageable steps.

Start with something like, “I will learn one new skill related to my job each month.” This is a realistic and achievable goal that contributes to your larger aim. Remember, every big goal is just a series of smaller goals. Achieving these smaller goals can boost your confidence and help you believe in your ability to reach the bigger ones.

According to Dr. Gail Matthews, a psychology professor at Dominican University in California, writing down goals, sharing them with a friend, and sending weekly updates to that friend significantly increases the likelihood of achieving those goals.

Experts from Harvard Business Review suggest five ways to set more attainable goals:

Connect your every goal to a “why.” Understanding the “why” that’s driving your actions makes it easier to avoid distractions and focus on pursuing your goal.
Break your goals down. Instead of setting one big goal, break it down into smaller goals that you can accomplish every day.
Schedule “buffer time” for your goals and increase your estimated deadline by 25%.
Focus on continuation, not improvement. Embrace all the things you’ve already started and would like to continue or build upon with time.

Don’t dwell on past failures. Know that it’s normal and everyone goes through a cycle of ups and downs.

4. Replace Unhelpful Habits

Nearly half of our daily actions are habits—about 43%. These routines, whether positive or negative, shape the direction of our lives.

Bad habits, like excessive screen time or constant complaining, can reinforce feelings of failure and hold you back from your goals. By consciously replacing them with productive habits—such as reading, learning new skills, or practicing gratitude—you set yourself up for growth and success.

Even small changes, like maintaining a healthy sleep schedule or eating balanced meals, can improve your mood and energy.

Pro tip: Take a few minutes to list your current habits. Identify which ones are holding you back and make a plan to swap them for habits that support your well-being and progress.

5. Build a Support System:

A strong support system is like a safety net that catches us when we fall. Without it, feelings of failure can become overwhelming. For example, if you’re navigating career growth, having mentors, finding a life coach or a career coach to lean on can be a game-changer. They provide advice, share experiences, and offer a sense of belonging.

On the flip side, being in toxic friendships often drains you, leaving you feeling unsupported and alone. A 2015 survey found that people with emotional support reported lower stress levels compared to those without such support.

So, if you’re feeling like a failure, take a look at your support system. It might be time to make some changes. Reach out, connect, and be with people who believe in you when you give up on yourself.

6. Celebrate Small Wins

Every achievement, whether it’s a productive day at work or successfully managing your emotions in a tough situation, is a step forward and should be celebrated. Keeping a journal or “evidence log” of your wins—no matter how small—can help you challenge feelings of failure. When you review these moments during tough times, you’ll remind yourself of your strengths and ongoing growth.

For example, if you’re working on building a regular exercise habit but sometimes skip workouts, don’t focus only on the setbacks. Instead, celebrate each day you do exercise, even if it’s just a short walk. Over time, these small wins build momentum and help reduce feelings of failure.

Progress isn’t always linear, so it’s important to treat yourself with kindness—especially after setbacks. One way to make this journey more enjoyable is to gamify your life. Break big goals into smaller milestones, and think of each one as “leveling up” in your personal journey. This playful approach not only makes growth more fun, but also helps you stay motivated and positive through ups and downs.

According to a study by Harvard, nothing contributes more to a positive inner work life than making progress in meaningful work. By celebrating your journey and treating your life as a game, you can overcome feelings of failure and move forward with confidence.

Take the First Step to Change

Feeling like you’re stuck in a loop of failure? The Moore Momentum System is here to help. Start with our “Core Values Quiz”. It’s designed to pinpoint the areas of life that need improvement and how you can be the best version of yourself.

The best part? We’ve gamified the process of change to make it fun and engaging. This way, leveling up in life becomes an effortless and enjoyable journey. Ready to play the game of life? Take the quiz and start your journey towards success today. 🚀🚀🚀

And to ensure you stay on track, we have an AI habit-tracking app. It’s designed to keep you motivated on the path of transforming your life and monitor your progress.

FAQS - Why do I feel Like a Failure

What to do if I think I’m a failure?

If you feel like you’re a failure, it can be helpful to talk about your feelings with someone you trust, such as a friend, family member, or mental health professional. Try to set realistic goals for yourself, celebrate small victories, and remember that it’s okay to make mistakes - they’re opportunities to learn and grow.

Is it normal to think you might fail?

Yes, it’s completely normal to have fears or thoughts of failure. These feelings can motivate us to work harder towards our goals.

Why do I feel like a failure even though I'm not?

Feeling like a failure even when you're objectively successful often comes from internal pressure, perfectionism, or comparing yourself to others. Your mind focuses on what you haven't done instead of what you have achieved. It's important to recognize that self-worth isn't tied to constant achievement.

Why do I sense that I’m a terrible person?

This feeling often stems from low self-esteem or negative past experiences. It’s crucial to remember that everyone makes mistakes and has flaws, and these do not define your worth. Consider seeking help from a professional if these feelings persist.

What is failure anxiety?

Failure anxiety is the fear of not meeting one’s own or others’ expectations, which can lead to avoidance of trying new things or taking on challenging tasks. It’s often linked to perfectionism and can be managed with cognitive-behavioral techniques and mindfulness practices.

Can anxiety lead to a sense of being a failure?

Yes, anxiety can sometimes lead to feelings of failure. This is because anxiety can cause one to worry excessively about not meeting expectations or making mistakes. It’s important to seek help if anxiety is causing significant distress or interfering with daily life.

Why do I feel like a failure in my relationship?

Relationship struggles can make you feel like a failure if you believe you’re not meeting your partner’s needs or if a conflict arises. Healthy relationships involve ups and downs. Feeling like a failure might actually reflect your care and investment in the relationship rather than your inability to make it work.

Why do I feel like a failure as a Christian?

As a Christian, you might feel like a failure when you fall short of your own spiritual expectations. Feelings of guilt, sin, or not living up to Bible teachings can weigh heavily. Remember, Christianity emphasizes grace, forgiveness, and growth—not perfection.

Why do I feel like a failure to my parents?

Feeling like a failure to your parents often stems from wanting their approval or feeling like you don't meet their expectations. It’s natural to want to make loved ones proud, but your worth isn't defined by meeting someone else’s standards. Open communication with your parents can sometimes ease these feelings.

Why do I feel like a failure when I make a mistake?

Mistakes can trigger feelings of failure because many people tie success to being flawless. However, mistakes are a normal part of growth. Viewing them as learning opportunities rather than signs of inadequacy can shift how you perceive yourself.