Episode # 89: Overcoming childhood trauma and Finding Purpose with Matthew Paetz

✍️ EPISODE OVERVIEW

In this powerful episode of The Five Core Life podcast, host Will Moore engages in a deep conversation with psychologist Matthew Paetz, who specializes in early childhood trauma and emotional healing. Matthew courageously shares his personal journey from a survivor of childhood sexual abuse to a thriving professional dedicated to helping others overcome similar challenges.

The discussion navigates through Matthew's darkest moments, including struggles with addiction and a near-suicide experience, to reveal how these trials became the catalyst for his life's purpose. Matthew offers profound insights into the human psyche, explaining how our nervous system shapes our behaviors and how understanding this can lead to transformative growth.

Listeners will gain valuable perspectives on modern life's impact on happiness, the power of curiosity over judgment, and the importance of aligning actions with one's authentic self. Matthew introduces his unique "purpose formula," demonstrating how pain and passion can combine to create meaningful life work and help in self growth journey.

The episode concludes with practical advice, including the surprising benefits of cold showers for mental resilience. This conversation is a must-listen for anyone seeking to overcome past traumas, find their purpose, or simply understand themselves better in the pursuit of a more fulfilled life.

📖 CHAPTER SUMMARIES

1. Matthew's Background and Introduction (00:01:30 - 00:03:44) Matthew Pates introduces himself as a psychologist specializing in early childhood survival patterns and overcoming childhood trauma. He emphasizes the importance of lived experience in his work, stating that one doesn't enter this field without personal struggles. Matthew sets the tone for an open, honest conversation about trauma, healing, and personal growth.

2. Childhood Trauma and Its Impact (00:03:45 - 00:08:14) Matthew bravely shares his experience of childhood sexual abuse, which occurred from ages 6 to 11. He discusses how this trauma led to struggles with identity, sexuality, and self-worth. Matthew reveals how these issues manifested in his adult life, illustrating the long-lasting effects of childhood trauma and the importance of overcoming childhood trauma for long-term well-being.

3. The Turning Point: A Near-Death Experience (00:08:15 - 00:13:29) Matthew recounts a pivotal moment in his life – a near-suicide attempt during a drug crash. He describes the intense situation, including a three-way call with loved ones while holding a loaded weapon. This experience became a turning point, leading Matthew to realize he wanted his life as he knew it to end, not his actual life. It marked the beginning of his journey in overcoming childhood trauma.

4. The Power of Empathy in Healing (00:13:30 - 00:18:44) Matthew shares a profound encounter with a therapist following his crisis. The therapist's approach of meeting Matthew where he was emotionally, rather than judging or lecturing, proved transformative. This experience highlights the importance of empathy and understanding in the healing process and overcoming childhood trauma, influencing Matthew's own approach to helping others.

5. Understanding the Nervous System (00:18:45 - 00:23:59) The conversation shifts to the basics of the nervous system and its role in human behavior. Matthew explains how understanding this biological aspect can help in overcoming challenges and changing behavior patterns, especially when dealing with the effects of childhood trauma. He emphasizes that the nervous system's primary objective is physical survival, which can sometimes conflict with personal growth and change.

6. Modern Life Challenges and Happiness (00:24:00 - 00:29:14) Will and Matthew discuss the challenges of modern life, including the impact of technology on happiness. They explore the concept of the "hedonic treadmill" – the tendency to return to a baseline level of happiness despite major positive or negative life changes. This segment offers insights into why achieving goals often doesn't lead to lasting happiness, particularly for those overcoming childhood trauma. Read More on I hate My Life

7. Curiosity vs. Judgment in Personal Growth (00:29:15 - 00:34:29) Matthew introduces the powerful concept of choosing curiosity over judgment. He explains how this shift in perspective can lead to greater understanding of oneself and others, which is crucial in overcoming childhood trauma. This approach is presented as a key tool for personal growth, improving relationships, and navigating life's challenges more effectively.

8. The Purpose Formula (00:34:30 - 00:38:59) Matthew shares his unique "purpose formula": Pain + Passion x Safety = Purpose. He breaks down each component, explaining how extracting wisdom from pain, combining it with passion, and finding qualified support can lead to discovering one's life purpose. This formula offers a fresh perspective on how personal struggles, including childhood trauma, can be transformed into meaningful life work.

9. The Cold Shower Habit (00:39:00 - End) The episode concludes with Matthew discussing his transformative habit of taking cold showers. He explains how this practice helps in regulating the nervous system and building resilience, which can be particularly beneficial for those overcoming childhood trauma. Matthew connects this physical challenge to broader life skills, such as staying calm in stressful situations. This practical tip provides listeners with a tangible way to start building mental toughness and emotional regulation skills.

🔑 KEY TAKEAWAYS

1. Overcoming childhood trauma is a journey that requires self-awareness and often professional help. It's possible to transform past pain into strength and purpose, as demonstrated by Matthew's personal story of healing and becoming a psychologist specializing in trauma recovery.

2. Understanding the nervous system plays a crucial role in overcoming childhood trauma. Recognizing how past experiences shape our biological responses allows for more effective healing strategies and helps in developing new, healthier patterns of behavior and thought.

3. Empathy and non-judgmental support are fundamental in overcoming childhood trauma. As illustrated by Matthew's experience with his therapist, being met with understanding rather than criticism creates a safe space for healing and personal growth, essential for trauma recovery.

4. The journey of overcoming childhood trauma can lead to discovering one's life purpose. Matthew's "purpose formula" shows how integrating past pain with passion and qualified support can transform traumatic experiences into meaningful work that benefits others facing similar challenges.

5. Cultivating curiosity instead of judgment is a powerful tool in overcoming childhood trauma. This shift in perspective allows for deeper self-understanding and more compassionate relationships, both crucial elements in the healing process and personal development.

6. Practical habits, like cold showers, can aid in overcoming childhood trauma by helping regulate the nervous system. These seemingly small practices build resilience and emotional regulation skills, providing tangible ways to manage stress and anxiety associated with past trauma.

🥇GOLDEN HABIT

Definition of Golden Habit:

A 'Golden Habit' is the optimal habit to relieve a pain point/replace a bad habit because it's personalized to your DNA, goals, and lifestyle in order to maximally reduce the friction to form it.

The Golden Habit should be:

- DESIRABLE: Should be enjoyable and rewarding. - PRACTICAL: Must easily integrate into one's existing routines. - IMPACTFUL: Expected to significantly enhance well-being.

This Episode's Golden Habit:

In this episode, Matthew Pates discusses his habit of taking cold showers (timestamp: 00:39:00). While not explicitly termed a "Golden Habit," this practice aligns with the concept. It's desirable for Matthew as he finds it challenging yet rewarding, practical as it integrates into his daily routine, and impactful in regulating his nervous system and building resilience.

Related Core Area:

This habit primarily aligns with the Emotional & Mental Health Core. It addresses the pain point of managing stress and anxiety, particularly for those overcoming childhood trauma, by providing a practical method to regulate the nervous system and build emotional resilience.

🚀 READY PLAYER ONE?

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🫅 BIO - Mathew Paetz

Matthew Paetz is a psychologist specializing in early childhood survival patterns and root cause emotional trauma. His expertise is deeply rooted in personal experience, having survived sexual abuse from ages 6 to 11. This traumatic childhood led Matthew down a path of struggle, including issues with identity, substance abuse, and a near-suicide attempt.

However, Matthew's journey of healing became the foundation of his life's purpose. Overcoming his own childhood trauma, he now dedicates his life to helping others navigate similar challenges. His approach combines professional psychological knowledge with the wisdom gained from his personal experiences.

Matthew is known for his "purpose formula," which helps individuals transform their pain into meaningful life work. He advocates for curiosity over judgment and emphasizes the importance of understanding the nervous system in the healing process. Through his work, Matthew aims to create a safe, empathetic space for those on their own journey of overcoming childhood trauma and finding purpose.