How to Change Yourself – A 7-Step Process For a Better YOU
Jul 15, 2024
By Will Moore
I never thought I’d be the guy writing about self-improvement. Hell, for most of my early life, I was the poster child for what not to do. But here I am - ready to spill the beans on how I went from a suicidal college kid to a guy who sold his company for $321 million.
This isn’t your typical ‘think positive and everything will be fine’ nonsense. This is the raw, unfiltered truth about how I clawed my way out of rock bottom and discovered what it really means to live a kickass life.
This isn’t just about how I got rich or successful in business. It’s about how I learned to kick ass in all areas of life - mindset, relationships, health, you name it. And now, I’m here to show you how to change your yourself by doing the same. Because if a guy named Rocky with a bowl cut and bell-bottoms can do it, trust me, so can you.
How to Change Yourself in 7 Steps
Change is never easy, but it's always possible. Whether you want to improve your mindset, relationships, health, or overall life satisfaction, taking deliberate steps toward transformation can lead to significant, lasting change.
Step 1 – Recognize the Need for Change
Recognizing the need for change is the first step in your personal transformation journey. This involves deep self-reflection, identifying psychological barriers, and addressing negative emotions that may be holding you back.
One of the most powerful catalysts for change in my life was discovering self-help books. In particular, "How to Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie was a game-changer for me. I stumbled upon this book after a casual mention by my favorite professor in a "Religions of the World" class. The moment I finished it, I knew I could never go back to living life the same way.
Here are the steps to identify the need for change:
1. Self-Reflection and Self-Awareness
Read Self-Help Books — Dedicate time each day to reading books focused on personal development. Start with classics like "How to Win Friends and Influence People," but don't stop there. Take notes on parts that resonate with you and actively test these new insights in your daily life.
Meditate — Practice meditation for 10-15 minutes daily. It helps clear your mind and reduce stress.
Journal — Write for 15-20 minutes daily about your thoughts, feelings, and experiences. It facilitates self-discovery and emotional release.
I vividly remember spending nights transferring my handwritten notes onto my old TRS-80 Model III computer, mesmerized by the glowing orange letters against the black screen. This process helped me track my progress and identify patterns in my behavior and thoughts. You can read our detailed article on habit journal.
Seek External Feedback — Create a list of 10-15 people whose opinions you value. It ensures diverse and meaningful perspectives.
2. Identify Psychological Impasses
Psychological impasses are mental blocks that prevent you from moving forward. Making a conscious effort to identify these barriers, including old unhelpful habits, is necessary for overcoming them.
As Albert Einstein famously said, “We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them.”
To Identify Psychological Impasses
Note instances when you feel trapped or resistant to change. For me, this often manifested as feeling like an outsider, believing I was destined to fail.
Record your thoughts and emotions during these moments.
Look for patterns to identify the root causes of your resistance to change. In my case, it was fear of failure that was holding me back from taking risks and growing.
3. Understand and Address Negative Emotions
It's important to recognize that negative emotions are a natural part of the human experience. By acknowledging these feelings, you can begin to understand their root causes and how they affect your thoughts and behaviors.
To address these emotions:
Manage Stress — Practice the 4-7-8 breathing technique. Inhale for 4 seconds, hold for 7 seconds, exhale for 8 seconds. Repeat 5 times when feeling stressed.
Reduce Anxiety — Try progressive muscle relaxation. Tense and then relax each muscle group in your body, starting from your toes and moving up to your head.
Challenge Negative Self-Talk — When I was at my lowest, I was convinced I was a "loser destined to live a life of mediocrity." I learned to challenge these thoughts by asking myself, "Is this really true? What evidence do I have to support or refute this belief?" This practice helped me reframe my self-perception and build confidence.
Step 2 – Set Clear, Achievable Goals
Setting clear, achievable goals is important for directing your efforts and measuring progress. Goals give you something to strive for and provide a roadmap for your journey. This step involves using the SMART criteria, leveraging psychological phenomena like the Fresh Start Effect, and balancing short-term and long-term objectives.
1. Use the SMART Goal Setting Method
SMART is an acronym that stands for Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-bound. Using this framework ensures that your goals are well-defined and attainable.
Specific — Define your goal with precision. Answer the questions: Who? What? Where? When? Why? Example: Instead of “Get in shape,” specify “Run a 5K race in under 30 minutes.”
Measurable — Establish concrete criteria for measuring progress. Determine how you’ll track your progress (e.g., running times, distances). Set up a system to record and analyze your data.
Achievable — Ensure your goal is realistic yet challenging. Break down large goals into smaller, manageable tasks. Assess your current skills and resources to determine feasibility.
Relevant — Align your goal with your broader life objectives and values. Consider how this goal fits into your long-term plans. Ensure the goal is worthwhile and timely.
Time-bound — Set a clear deadline for achieving your goal. Create intermediate milestones to track progress. Use a calendar to mark important dates and checkpoints.
Read More: What is the First Step in Goal Setting?
2. Leverage the Fresh Start Effect
The Fresh Start Effect is a psychological phenomenon where people are more likely to take action towards their goals after temporal landmarks (like New Year’s Day or birthdays). Temporal landmarks can create a sense of a new beginning, which motivates goal pursuit.
Plan your goal-setting activities around temporal landmarks (e.g., New Year, birthdays, first of the month).
Create a calendar of personal landmarks to use as motivation boosters throughout the year.
Use these fresh start moments to reset habits and recommit to your goals.
3. Balance Short-Term and Long-Term Goals
Balancing short-term and long-term goals helps maintain motivation while working towards significant life changes that can transform your entire life.
Short-Term Goals (1-3 months) — Set 2-3 short-term goals that support your long-term objectives. Focus on building momentum and creating quick wins.
Example: Reduce daily screen time by 30 minutes within one month. Use app blockers or screen time tracking features to monitor and gradually reduce usage.
Long-Term Goals (6-12 months or more) — Set 1-2 significant long-term goals that align with your life vision. Break down these goals into monthly milestones.
Example: Complete a marathon within one year. Create a training plan with specific distance and time targets for each month.
Step 3 – Develop a Growth Mindset
Developing a growth mindset is essential for personal growth and often involves stepping out of one's comfort zone. This involves embracing lifelong learning, using cognitive reappraisal techniques, and cultivating resilience. According to Carol Dweck, author of “Mindset: The New Psychology of Success,” individuals with a growth mindset believe that their abilities and intelligence can be developed through dedication and hard work.
1. Embrace Lifelong Learning
Lifelong learning is a key component of a growth mindset. It involves continuously seeking new knowledge and skills throughout your life. In my college years, I turned the self-help section of the library into my second home, devouring book after book on personal development. This practice helped me expand my capabilities and boost my confidence. For instance, learning about business and entrepreneurship eventually led me to start my food delivery company.
Here are a few tips for you:
Set aside 45 minutes daily for learning (reading, online courses, podcasts).
Learn a new skill every quarter (e.g., coding, cooking, language).
Attend workshops or conferences in your field at least three times a year.
2. Use Cognitive Reappraisal Techniques
Cognitive reappraisal involves changing how you think about a situation to change how you feel about it. This technique can help you maintain a positive outlook and overcome challenges.
Read More: Growth Mindset Activities
Practice the "Three Good Things" exercise: Each night, write down three positive things that happened during the day and why they occurred.
When facing a setback, ask yourself, "What can I learn from this?" or "How might this be an opportunity in disguise?"
Create a "reframing journal" where you write down negative situations and practice reframing them positively.
Step 4 – Build Healthy Habits
Habits are the building blocks of personal change. Habits don't care if they're good or bad. They'll do their thing over time regardless of whether they're helping or hurting us.
This realization was a game-changer for me. I understood that the habits I'd developed over the years - the self-doubt, the social avoidance, the negative self-talk - were just as powerful as any positive habits I could form. The key was to consciously replace those failure habits with success habits.
By understanding how habits form and using strategies to build positive habits, you can create lasting change in your life.
1. Understand the Science of Habit Formation
Understanding this process can help you build new habits more effectively and break old habits. Habits are formed through a four-step process:
Cue: The trigger that initiates the behavior. Identify a clear cue, such as waking up in the morning to run, which will prompt you to start the new habit.
Craving: The motivation or desire for the reward. Create a craving by associating the new habit with a positive outcome, like the desire for energy and alertness that you get from a morning run.
Response: The actual habit or behavior you perform. Make the response easy and convenient to implement. For example, place your running shoes by your bed to make it easier to go for a run first thing in the morning.
Reward: The benefit you gain from performing the habit. Ensure there is a satisfying reward, such as the post-run endorphin rush or tracking your progress, to reinforce the behavior and keep you motivated.
2. Leverage Technology for Building New Habits
Technology can be a powerful tool in building and maintaining habits. Various apps can help you track progress, stay motivated, and maintain accountability. According to a study, 77% of people who successfully achieve their goals use a system to track progress. Additionally, maintaining a healthy body weight can be one of the benefits of developing a routine around initiating a workout.
Choose A Habit-Tracking App
The weekly habit tracker app combines the latest in behavioral science and technology to intrinsically and extrinsically motivate you by tapping into your emotions. It monitors your progress, tracks habits, and incorporates a daily habit streak feature, making you crave your next check-in.
By using techniques like habit stacking and temptation bundling, the app helps you replace bad habits with healthy ones, making the process fun, rewarding, and addictive. With features like a personalized dashboard, variable rewards, and a competitive leaderboard, the app ensures that tracking habits become an engaging and motivating experience, leading to lasting personal transformation.
Design Effective Routines
Routines provide structure to your day and make it easier to maintain multiple habits simultaneously. Creating effective morning and evening routines can significantly impact your personal growth.
Morning Routine
Wake up at 6:00 AM.
10 minutes of meditation.
15 minutes of light exercise or stretching.
Healthy breakfast and goal-setting for the day.
Review your calendar and prioritize tasks.
Evening Routine
Review daily achievements at 9:00 PM.
15 minutes of reading.
5 minutes of gratitude journaling.
10 minutes of planning for the next day.
Lights out by 10:30 PM.
Step 5 – Cultivate Positive Emotions
Positive emotions broaden your perspective, build resilience, and enhance your ability to cope with challenges. Positive emotions expand our awareness and encourage novel, varied, and exploratory thoughts and actions.
To Cultivate Positive Emotions:
1. Practice Gratitude
Gratitude is a powerful positive emotion that can significantly improve your mental health and life satisfaction. Regular practice of gratitude can shift your focus from what's lacking to what's abundant in your life.
Keep a daily gratitude journal, listing 5-7 things you're thankful for.
Write one gratitude letter per week to someone who has positively impacted your life.
Practice mental gratitude by thinking of five things you're grateful for during your daily commute.
Create a gratitude jar: Write down one thing you're grateful for each day on a slip of paper and add it to the jar.
Review your gratitude entries monthly to reinforce positive thinking.
2. Foster Positive Social Interactions
Positive social interactions with family members are essential for emotional well-being. Building and maintaining strong relationships can provide support, encouragement, and new perspectives.
Schedule at least two meaningful social interactions per week (e.g., coffee with a friend and family dinner).
Join a club or group related to your interests (e.g., book club, sports team, volunteer organization).
Practice active listening in your conversations by paraphrasing and asking follow-up questions.
Initiate positive conversations by sharing good news or compliments.
Organize monthly social gatherings with friends or colleagues.
3. Practice Mindfulness and Meditation
Mindfulness and meditation can help reduce stress, improve focus, and increase emotional regulation. These practices can enhance your overall well-being and support your growth journey.
Start with 5 minutes of daily mindfulness meditation, gradually increasing to 20 minutes.
Practice mindful breathing throughout the day (e.g., take five deep breaths before starting a new task).
Incorporate mindful walking into your routine, focusing on each step and your surroundings.
Use body scan techniques to increase awareness of physical sensations.
Engage in mindful eating by savoring each bite and focusing on the flavors and textures of your food.
Step 6 – Stay Accountable and Motivated
Self-development and motivation are key factors in maintaining long-term personal growth. Implementing strategies to stay accountable and motivated can help you overcome obstacles and achieve your goals.
1. Find an Accountability Partner
An accountability partner can provide support, encouragement, and external motivation to help you stay on track with your goals in your personal life.
Find an accountability partner with similar goals.
Schedule weekly check-ins to discuss progress and challenges.
Use shared goal-tracking tools (e.g., shared Google Sheets) to monitor each other’s progress.
Set consequences for missed goals (e.g., donating to a charity you dislike).
Celebrate achievements together to reinforce positive behavior.
2. Track Your Progress
Tracking your progress is essential for maintaining motivation and identifying areas for improvement. Both digital and analog methods can be effective, depending on your preferences.
Use apps like Notion or Trello to create visual boards of your goals and progress.
Use spreadsheets to track quantitative data related to your goals.
Create digital vision boards to visualize your goals.
OR
Create a bullet journal to track habits, goals, and daily tasks.
Use a wall calendar or whiteboard to visually represent your progress.
Maintain a physical goal journal with daily entries.
Use colored stickers or markers to indicate progress on a physical calendar.
3. Celebrate Milestones
Recognizing and celebrating your achievements, no matter how small, can boost motivation and reinforce positive behaviors.
To Celebrate Milestones:
Set up a reward system for reaching specific milestones (e.g., a spa day for completing a month of daily exercise).
Share your achievements with your support network.
Create a "success journal" to document your wins, big and small.
Plan celebration rituals for major accomplishments (e.g., a special dinner or outing).
Step 7 – Make Continuous Adjustments
Self-growth is an ongoing process that requires regular assessment and adjustment. Being flexible and adaptable in your approach ensures continued progress and helps you overcome obstacles.
As Tony Robbins said, "Stay committed to your decisions but stay flexible in your approach.
1. Conduct Regular Self-Assessments
Regular self-assessment allows you to track your progress, identify areas for improvement, and adjust your strategies as needed.
Conduct weekly mini-reviews and monthly comprehensive self-assessments.
Create a self-assessment template covering key areas of your life (health, relationships, career, personal development).
Rate your progress in each area on a scale of 1-10.
Identify areas of improvement and set specific goals for the coming week/month.
Analyze trends in your progress over time.
2. Embrace Flexibility and Adaptability
Being flexible and adaptable helps you navigate challenges and take advantage of new opportunities as they arise.
Practice the "Yes, and..." technique from improv comedy to become more open to new ideas.
Regularly expose yourself to new experiences (e.g., try a new cuisine every month, take a different route to work).
When faced with a setback, brainstorm at least five alternative approaches before giving up.
Develop contingency plans for your major goals.
Seek feedback from diverse sources to gain new perspectives on your challenges.
Summing up: How to Change Yourself
I’ve shared with you the steps that took me from rock bottom to success, and now I want to emphasize how crucial this process of self-change can be. I know firsthand that changing yourself is a demanding but incredibly rewarding journey. By following these steps and implementing the strategies I’ve provided, I believe you can create lasting positive change in your day-to-day life, just as I did.
Remember that personal growth is an ongoing process. Every step forward is a victory, no matter how small it may seem. I’ve learned that the path to changing yourself isn ’t always linear, but with persistence and the right strategies, you can overcome any obstacle and achieve your goals.
🌟 LEVEL UP YOUR LIFE NOW!
You've learned a lot about transforming your life in this guide. Now, it's time to put that knowledge into action and make personal growth a fun, rewarding journey. Let's take the first step together!
Take the "Core Values Quiz"
Discover where you stand in the 5 Core Areas of Life by taking our Core Values Quiz. It's the perfect starting point to understand your strengths and areas for improvement.
By taking the quiz, you will:
Gain Self-Awareness: Identify your current standing in each of the 5 Core Areas of Life.
Set Clear Goals: Understand which areas need the most attention and set actionable goals.
Track Progress: Use your results to monitor your growth and celebrate milestones.
Personalized Insights: Receive tailored advice on how to improve in each core area.
Start your journey today. Your future self will thank you!
FAQs
Why is it hard to change yourself?
Changing yourself is hard because it often requires breaking established habits and confronting psychological barriers. Emotional attachments, fear of failure, and lack of motivation can hinder progress. Overcoming these obstacles involves acknowledging your emotions, setting realistic goals, and seeking support from accountability partners. Understanding that setbacks are part of the process can help you stay resilient and committed to your goals.
How can I change my inner self?
Changing your inner self involves shifting your mindset and developing emotional intelligence. Practice self-reflection to understand your thoughts and behaviors. Embrace cognitive reappraisal to reframe negative situations positively. Engage in lifelong learning and seek experiences that challenge and grow your perspective. Mindfulness and meditation can also help you connect with your inner self and cultivate a more positive and resilient mindset.
How long does it take to change yourself?
The time it takes to change yourself can vary depending on the depth and complexity of the change you seek. Research suggests that it takes approximately 21 days to form a new habit and about 90 days for it to become a permanent lifestyle change. Significant personal transformation can take several months to years of consistent effort and dedication. The key is to remain patient and committed to the process.
What are the things to change about yourself?
Consider changing aspects of your life that contribute to personal development and overall well-being. This can include:
Developing new, positive habits such as regular exercise, healthy eating, and mindfulness practices.
Enhancing emotional intelligence by practicing gratitude, empathy, and cognitive reappraisal.
Setting and achieving personal and professional goals.
Improving relationships by building supportive connections and fostering positive social interactions.
Increasing self-awareness through self-reflection and seeking feedback.
How to change yourself physically?
Changing yourself physically involves adopting a healthier lifestyle. Start by setting specific fitness goals, such as exercising for 30 minutes three times a week or following a balanced diet. Incorporate physical activities that you enjoy into your daily routine, such as walking, running, or yoga. Use fitness apps to track your progress and stay motivated. Additionally, ensure you get adequate rest and hydration to support your physical health.
How to change yourself mentally?
Changing yourself mentally requires developing a positive and resilient mindset. Engage in practices like cognitive reappraisal to reframe negative thoughts and situations positively. Embrace lifelong learning by reading books, taking courses, and seeking new experiences. Practice mindfulness and meditation to enhance your mental clarity and emotional regulation. Surround yourself with positive influences and seek support from friends, family, or professional counselors when needed.