WILL Moore

This Is The ONE Time I Don’t Believe in Keeping Score
This Is The ONE Time I Don’t Believe in Keeping Score
I’ve never been a guy who doesn’t believe in keeping score. Keeping score in certain aspects allows you to activate those competitive juices that enable you to do incredible things. Sometimes you win, sometimes you “lose,” but if you’re using that competitiveness to keep you moving, to continually learn and grow to become bigger, better, faster, stronger, you’ll ALWAYS win.

So where DON’T I believe in keeping score? In my relationship with my wife. Keeping score is a cancer to your relationship, yet is something almost all of us do. It’s so easy to get wrapped up in who’s doing more for the kids, who’s doing more housework, who’s bringing in more bacon, who planned the last date, who spends more money on themselves, and on and on and on.

People get flat out consumed with trying to even the score. Whether it’s justifying spending money because your partner did, or letting the dishes pile up because you did them last time, in the moment it feels only fair that you get your turn.

But, you’re killing your relationship. You dropped the ball, Probie. You split the team up. You’ve changed your mindset from “us” to “me.” And it’s worse than that, really. Once you start keeping score, in your mind it’s now your partner vs. you. You’ve forgotten that you chose this person to be on your team for a reason, and that hopefully includes having your best interests at heart.

To combat these natural tendencies that only lead to failed expectations and resentment, my wife and I have AGREEMENTS with one another. These agreements help clarify some of the ambiguity of who should be doing what and steer the relationship into a team vs competitive format.
This Is The ONE Time I Don’t Believe in Keeping Score
1.Arguing agreements: Arguments are going to happen, and when they do, let’s agree to deep breath when starting to feel heated, choose words carefully vs letting emotions take over and try to hurt other.

Give the other person space if too heated to have a rational conversation. That person will do best to remove themselves politely and ask to continue when they’ve cooled down.

No rehashing previous arguments or things that have happened to use against the other.

Not curse or hit below the belt

Not argue in front of kids

(When cooled down) Listen to the entire viewpoint of other person without interruption. Repeat back where they’re coming from and ask if correct.

2.No complaining just to complain. But are welcome to vent about a frustration in their life to use the other as a sounding board, AS LONG as you offer your own possible solution first. (Note this encourages us (and are kids who hear us) to both be owners in control vs victims who have no say in what happens to them.

3.Bridges instead of walls. Approach the other with something important need to say, but know they may not like to hear it at first, in a gentle tone. Remove the word “you” from vocabulary when feeling wronged/hurt/etc and instead replace with “I’m feeling … when this happens…and wanted to see how we can work together to solve this.” The other agrees not to immediately put walls up but to listen without interrupting because they know it’s only being told in the interest of benefiting EVERYONE.
At the end of the week, we give the other a grade on how they did. This isn’t about competing, but instead helping hold one another accountable so that the things we’ve BOTH agreed on as vital to the success of our marriage are constantly at the forefront.

Tip For Week

Get with your significant other this week and each write the top 3 things that you think could use work to improve the relationship. Then get together, compare lists, and come up with agreements based on these moving forward. At the end of each week, put a reminder in your phone to give eachother your weekly grade, and have a discussion on how things went and how can improve moving forward.

Rather than focusing on only your happiness which may not be getting the results you’re after, focus on how you BOTH can be as happy as possible in the relationships, and you’ll start seeing some incredible results. You can add to your list as time goes by. Key is to keep it going until those new success habits start to replace the old failure habits.
Step Out of Your Comfort Zone to Make Deeper Connections
Step Out of Your Comfort Zone to Make Deeper Connections
Create Connections that Last

Last weekend I challenged myself to see how far I could proactively push myself as a growth-owner (mindset core). I made a pact to proactively introduce myself and start meaningful conversations while at LA Summit 2019.


Not just where are you from and what do you do; I’m talking real connections where we get to the heart of what drives people forward in life. I also challenged myself to approach the speakers I most connected with.


Ray Dalio is the author of an amazing series of books titled “Principles.” I saw him outside the theater during the event and went for it. I told him how our missions are in sync, and how I want to help him build out that mission of helping people become the best versions of themselves. I gave him my card, looked him dead in the eye, and said, “I look forward to working with you to make the world a better place.”


If your goal is to connect with people on a deeper level, the questions you ask will decide the course of the conversation.


Here are the ones I used while pushing myself at the summit:

What makes you want to spring out of bed?

If you didn’t sleep, how would you spend the extra time?

What’s something I should know about you?

If you could do anything in the world right now (with no limitations), what would it be?

If you could know the absolute truth to a question, what would it be?


What have you failed spectacularly at recently, and what did you learn?



I challenge you to pick one of these and use it to build a deeper connection this week. Bonus points if you talk to someone you’re scared to approach.


Let me know how it goes!

Traditions Bring Magic to Your Relationships Year Round
Traditions Bring Magic to Your Relationships Year Round
Ohhhh the holidays. You might love them. You might hate them. You might love to hate them or hate to love them. However you feel, they most likely elicit a fairly strong emotional response. What IS it about the holidays that’s so all-consuming?

Take a minute and think about some of your most vivid holiday memories. You might have one or two memories about getting something you wanted ohhh so bad, but most of our memories are about the people that we’ve spent them with throughout the years and the traditions that were created along the way. If you woke up your parents at 5 am and they snuck downstairs to make sure the coast was clear from the jolly old man in red, chances are, you do some version of this with your kids too.

Growing up my mom always went out and found the perfect REAL tree, and now I have the privilege of getting to do this with my own kids. I still get that magical feeling as when I was little, and on top of that get to see the magic in my kid’s eyes. Sure It’s a pain in the neck, the needles get everywhere and this year I got the Griswold sap glove after putting the tree in its base where everything I touched for 24-hours stuck to my hand like crazy glue. Note to self, once sap is on, it ain’t coming off till it’s ready.

Oh and let’s not ignore the gift portion of the holidays. In 2016, Cindy Chan, assistant professor at U of T Scarborough’s Department of Management and the Rotman School of Management, published a study where she found that experiential gifts were more valuable to recipients than material gifts. The reason? Experiential gifts hit your emotional and relationship cores right in the sweet spot. Chan’s research was different than studies from the past because instead of focusing on whether a gift recipient LIKED the gift, she focused on how the gift affected the relationship between the gift-giver and the recipient.

Experiential gifts help nurture relationships. Even if you don’t participate in the actual using of the gift, it strengthens your bond because the recipient still associates you with the experience. That’s how strong the connection between relationships and experiences is!

Whatever holiday rituals you have, whether it’s presents accompanied by a Menorah or Xmas tree, they’re probably geared toward strengthening the bond with your family. Don’t let this momentum in your relationship core fade this year. Keep that extra magic you give to your family gong all year.

Sunday night dinners with the whole family or game nights with the kiddos on Friday nights are traditions that strengthen your relationships all year long. Level it up by putting away cell phones and putting your 5%er relationship skills to use! Look your loved ones in the eye, ask meaningful questions and be present in the experience. After all, relationships are FRA-GEE-LAY and deserve to be treasured.

I wish you all the happiest of holidays and a year ahead of balanced cores and happy lives!
This Week’s Action Tip:
Who do you love? In this digital day and age, it can be easy to hit the like button and think we’re nurturing our relationships. But this week I challenge you to pick up the phone or visit someone you haven’t talked to or seen in person in a while. I promise you, it will do wonders for your relationship and foster positive momentum in your life!
Build a Rock Solid Relationship Core Right Now
Build a Rock Solid Relationship Core Right Now
I think back to New Year’s Eve 2019 and can say with absolute certainty that few Americans could have imagined what the first quarter of 2020 would bring. Most of us have never experienced an actual global pandemic that would require “social distancing” and being quarantined.

What can you do to limit the feelings of isolation and uncertainty? As a growth-owner, you look at this time and figure out how and where you can keep moving forward and moving towards your goals. Use your newfound situation as an opportunity vs a curse.

So how can you build up your relationship core at home this week?

If you’re lucky enough to share your home with loved ones, this is probably the first time in a long time that you’ve had limited distractions. There’s no catching the train, running errands, staying at the office late, etc. You may still have responsibilities working from home but when work is over, now’s the time to really evolve your relationships with your loved ones.

You’re going to have extra time available to you, don’t waste it. Use it to strengthen your existing relationships at home that you may have been takin for granted and developed failure habits in. Instead of leaving for your morning commute, make breakfast with your kids. Instead of going for a workout alone at the gym, ride bikes with the fam. And since you can’t grab a drink with coworkers on Friday night, have a date with your partner over candlelight at the dining room table.

Regardless of which relationship you’re looking to strengthen at home, or if it’s all of them, the other party(s) will be grateful and it will boost both your momentum with one another. Your spouse will appreciate and want to reciprocate making them feel special. If it’s your kids, they’ll look back on this time not as spending it with fear and boredom, but a positive experience that helped strengthen the bond permanently moving forward.

If you live alone, pick up the phone and connect with old friends or family you haven’t spoken to in a while. You’d be amazed that even if you haven’t spoken to someone in months or years, how receptive people might be to hearing from you. We all get busy. We all let relationships slide. But we don’t all have the courage to reach out and reconnect. You just might find the friendship that’s been missing from your life.

On a side note, I want to thank all those who are out there still doing what needs to be done to help the world go round during this tough time. If you’re a first responder and your life has suddenly become busier, I thank you for your service to our country during this time. From doctors and nurses to police and fire responders to postal workers and grocery store employees, my gratitude towards you and your sacrifices is immense. Keep on keeping on.
This Week’s Tip:
Make a list of the top 3 success habits you can start incorporating into your daily routine that you know will strengthen your at-home relationships. If you have a significant other for example, you could spend min 30 quality minutes daily together with no distractions (kids, electronics, etc). Just talking to one another like real human beings inquisitive on what’s going on in the other’s life, and offering support to help them build their own momentum.

If you live alone, and/or you want to do this in addition to the above, think about 3 people you’ve lost touch with that you’d like to reconnect with. Now’s the perfect time, people ARE AVAILABLE. No excuses. Then if you decide to keep this new spark alive, make an agreement with them to talk 1/mth and put the call in each of your calendars.
Communication is King in Remote Work
Communication is King in Remote Work

“Somebody’s got a case of the Mondays!” You form a weak smile and give a polite hello. Some days you just wish you could come to work, get your work done and not talk to a soul.


Other days, you laugh, smile and connect with your coworkers like there’s no one on the planet you’d rather spend your day with.


Love ‘em or hate ‘em, no matter where you work, your coworkers are a big chunk of your relationship core. Think about it: in a 24 hour day, if you sleep 8 hours, work 8 hours, commute, go to the gym, shower, etc., you probably spend more time with your coworkers than anyone else.

Some people are all in, hanging out with coworkers on Friday nights after work and spending Thanksgiving together. Others hold back and try to maintain a professional distance. This is your team, your lunch crew, the people you collaborate with and sometimes even argue with. In most jobs, in one way or another, these are the people you rely on in some capacity. You’re cogs in the same wheel, working towards a common goal.


How you interact with your coworkers has the opportunity to create a profound effect on both your overall health and theirs. When you have positive interactions where you feel cared about, valued and heard, it boosts your self confidence, mindset and emotional core. It helps you be your best self, and hopefully, you put that same energy back out into the world.


Here’s the plot twist, though. Suddenly most of us are in a new world where, with minimal training working remotely as a team, we have to maintain that team and those relationships through online communication.


And it doesn’t appear to be a trend that will be changing any time soon. Many experts agree that for some of us, remote work is here to stay! Companies are getting a taste of the benefits of having a remote team and they’re going to find a way to continue to incorporate remote work to at least some degree. They’re reaping the rewards of far less overhead costs, more productive employees, the ability to recruit from a worldwide talent pool, and better employee attendance, to name a few of the benefits.



Furthermore, online tools and apps like Slack and Zoom have made it possible to communicate with ease and at a minimal expense, compared to the cost of a physical office space and everything that comes with it.


Yes, for many of us, remote work is going to be a new way of life.



But just because we no longer share an office space with our coworkers, doesn’t mean that we can stop relying on them or should allow those relationships to fizzle. In fact, teamwork and communication are more important now than ever. To keep the wheels moving, everyone has to stay in sync.


It might feel like a tall task, but fear not. My team here at Moore Momentum has always been a virtual team and it can be extremely rewarding with the right habits. Here are some top tricks for continuing to create success habits in your team and your work relationships:

1. Communication is now king. You can no longer rely on nonverbal cues or being in the same space as your coworkers to know what they’re thinking. Your communication needs to be clear, polite and readable. Vague messages where someone has to keep asking “I don’t understand. Can you explain?” can get frustrating fast.

2. Communicate frequently. The best remote workers can’t necessarily get tasks done any faster than their peers, but they acknowledge messages and provide updates. You might not be able to get to something right away, but a quick “I got your message and will start working on it as soon as I’m done with x project this afternoon” can go a long way towards building trust.

3. Communicate with the same kindness you would in person. A simple “hey there” or “how are things going?” before you dive right into a work message can make someone feel at ease and open up the lines of communication.

4. Use the tools available. Zoom, Google Meet and several other programs are free communication tools that can help you stay connected and on the same page. Don’t be afraid to use them just because you might have to change your pajama shirt and brush your hair during quarantine. Sometimes a live conversation can save a lot of confusion and frustration.

5. Be respectful of others’ time. We all know someone that can turn a 15 minute Zoom conversation into a 2 hour saga. Remember that many people are juggling kids and work at the same time right now so time is extra valuable. If you’d like to talk more, suggest a virtual wine night when you both have time.
Most importantly, remember to keep putting that good energy out there, even if it’s not in person. Be the best version of yourself and let that multiply out into the world, so the world can be the best version of itself. Right from the comfort of your own home.
Don’t Let the Air Steal Your Thoughts
Don’t Let the Air Steal Your Thoughts

Ever heard of the German phrase “wie Luft behandel”? It’s the feeling so eloquently described as being looked at as through air. Surely you’ve felt it when a stranger looks at you but doesn’t make eye contact or smile. They just look right through you as if you’re made of air.


It leaves you feeling empty and maybe even excluded or disliked when really it’s most likely nothing but the product of someone else’s distraction. It can unintentionally sting and leave you wondering what you did wrong, especially if you smiled or said hello.


It’s hard not to get lost in your own mind, full of thoughts and distractions. We bury our faces in our phones, tablets, or computers and forget to be present. But being present and in the moment is such an important part of your relationship core.

Think about the last time you were talking to someone and they picked up their phone and started texting someone and just stopped listening altogether. It’s such a hurtful feeling of someone just not caring, not only about what you were saying but also your feelings. The truth is, they were probably just easily distracted, but in that moment they prioritized that all too familiar ding on their phone over you.

We’ve all been there and like it or not, we’ve all done it. Brace yourself and then check out this eye-opening article from Psychology Today on the effects of parents’ cell phone distraction on their children. In one study, it was found that one third of children felt unimportant when their parents used their phones during family time. Let that sink in. 1 in 3 kids feels unimportant not because we’re leaving them to do the things that we typically associate with neglect, but because we’re distracted by our phones.

 

This doesn’t just apply to our kids either. Phubbing, the term coined for phone snubbing, affects our relationships with spouses, friends and anyone else we form relationships with. Looking people in the eye and giving them your attention is a fundamental part of building strong, healthy connections. Eye contact signifies to people that they are important and you are listening. It also subconsciously builds trust and helps with learning and retention.

 

So put down your phone, look your friends and family in the eye, and watch as they reap the benefits of your undivided attention. They just might vor Freude springen, or as we like to say “jump for joy.”

This week’s action tips:

-Make the dinner table a device free zone. If you have older kids, you can even make it a game. Everyone puts their phones in the middle of the table and the first person to reach for their phone has to do the dishes.

-Designate screen time not just for your kids, but also for yourself. Just like you expect them to be available and listen when you talk, they should feel like they can come to you and talk when your head isn’t buried in a device. Plus initiating a game or conversation with your kids can do wonders for their self-esteem.

-When you’re connecting with friends, give them your full attention. Don’t watch tv, work on your computer or play games on your ipad during phone calls. Even if they can’t see you, they can tell if you’re engaged and interested or answering with mmm hmmm and clicking away on your keyboard.
What Is a Toxic Relationship?
What Is a Toxic Relationship?
Are you in a toxic relationship? How do you recognize them? Are you just overly sensitive like they claim?
How Do We End Up In Toxic Relationships
I was listening to the song “That’s the Way” by Led Zeppelin the other day, one of my favorite all-time old school groups.

I go through cycles with music. Lately, I’ve been loving some good old school classic rock. It gets the blood pumping and reaches my soul. I’m talking Led Zeppelin, Fleetwood Mac, Elton John, and the Stones.

In one particular Led Zeppelin song, there’s a line that says, “I can’t play with you no more.”

That got me thinking about how we “play with other people.” I mean, that’s the good stuff in life, right? Sure, we’ve all got responsibilities and need to balance all 5 cores but playing and having fun is a recipe for joy. It builds your relationship core as well as your emotional core and can greatly affect your mindset. I don’t ever underestimate the power of play.

But, it changes over time. And who we choose to play with changes over time as well. When we’re little kids, we don’t think about who the cool kids are.

We just play with kids that make us feel good and who like the same things we do. We find kids who are on the same wavelength and who play the same games. We’re hard-wired to learn this way too. I love watching Wyatt play with friends. Right now, he doesn’t even care if he’s ever met someone before. It’s just “You like fire trucks? Me too.” And then they can laugh and play and connect for hours.

Then we get older…

And oh boy do the politics come into play. It starts to matter WHO you hang out with. By middle school you know who’s who in the lunchroom. This innate need and craving to belong goes way back to our caveman days. Back then, your survival was dependent on you belonging to the strongest tribe. You needed alpha types in your life – the hunters and the fighters – so you didn’t either starve or get eaten by a bear. Now it’s to survive the school cafeteria and bullying (which aligns pretty strongly with the same needs, right?)

Even as you get into adulthood, there are some relationships that are more forced.

There are the parents of the kids your kids are friends with, PTO parents, sports parents, work colleagues and other “friends” that you wouldn’t necessarily seek out but are conditioned to find it necessary to belong with.

This creates a vortex of toxic relationships and it happens all the time.
Immense Impact Toxic Relationships Have On Our Lives
You may not want to get out, but you really need to. Toxic relationships cause friction, keep you from moving forward and building momentum.

I remember very specifically when I was younger and in my victimhood, maybe around 12 or 13 years old, and I had a group of friends that just straight up “ragged” on eachother. I think we’ve all had friends that rib on eachother and sometimes you get a little bruised. But this was beyond that. We got into really nasty stuff. The goal was to make the other person feel as bad as they possibly could. Back in the 90’s, these were called “frienemies” and I had plenty.

I was part of this group for years.

The result was that I ended up becoming extremely insecure and down on myself because I didn’t know how to brush it off as well as some of these other guys, or at least they made it look like they brushed it off. Maybe they didn’t as well. Who knows?

This fed my “fixed-victim” mentality that caused me to build negative instead of positive momentum over the next several years. My confidence shrank, my attitude soured, and the lens through which I saw the world started getting muckier and muckier.

Fortunately, a serendipitous catalyst appeared years later that allowed me to reset my momentum and start building it in the positive direction again. Stepping out of my failure loop and into my success loop. It came in the form of a recommendation by my favorite professor freshman year of college to read a book that would completely change the way I saw the world and myself.

The book was “How to Win Friends And Influence People” by Dale Carnegie. Written way back in 1936, the principles on how to develop and maintain deep, lasting relationships and allies held true when I was in college, still do today, and will be till the end. It was then that I realized what a real relationship should look like, how to build and maintain them, and how to form them at will (no pun intended).

Had I not had my cataclysmic intervention, I may never have pulled myself out of the pattern of being drawn towards people who use me as a punching bag, or been able to develop what have become incredibly deep, meaningful, soul-filling relationships.
1st Step To Exiting Your Toxic Relationships

Remember, you are the average of the three people you hang out with most in your life. That is a universal principle. It is a universal truth. I have seen it repeated over and over.



If you haven’t already, take your five core assessment here , do so now to get a better sense of where you stand in your relationship core, as well as your others.


After taking it, make a list of the 3-5 people you spend the most time with (spouse, friend’s, co-workers, etc). Now rank them on a scale of 1-5 based on those same questions you answered.


If they fall in the 1-3 category in the majority of their cores, you’re going to want to figure out a way to remove them from your immediate life so their toxicity doesn’t continue to spread to you.



Looking to find others that have growth-owner mindsets and rank more like 4-5 in their cores? Checkout our Insta page and/or our FB Group Page. No ragging allowed 😉